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Hilarious Aviation Conversations

Discussion in 'Jet Aviation Discussion' started by Milow232, Oct 1, 2012.

  1. Milow232

    Milow232 New Member

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    I think we have such a thread already on YF... so I thought it might be a nice idea to start here one as well! Here are some as a teaser:

    Pilot: ...Tower, please call me a fuel truck.
    Tower: Roger. You are a fuel truck.

    Tower: Lufthansa 893, number one, checkcar on the runway.
    Pilot: Roger. We'll check the car on the runway.

    Tower: You have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!
    Pilot: Give us another hint, we have digital watches!

    Controller: "Fliht 2431, for nioise abatement turn 45 degrees to the right. . ."
    Pilot: "Roger, but Center, we are at 35'000 feet, how much noise can we
    make up her?"
    Controller: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 707 makes when it hits a
    727 ?"

    Tower: Height and position?
    Pilot: I am 1.80m and sitting in the front, left.

    A Pan Am 727 flight engineer waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following:

    Lufthansa (in German): Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
    Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak English."
    Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"
    Unknown voice from another taxi-ing plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!"

    :D
  2. travler

    travler New Member

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    tower 3805m taxie into position and hold

    pilot 3805m i'm on a 3 mile final
  3. Jet News

    Jet News JF News Editor Staff Member

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    LOL!! Tower has no idea what is going on! Must have been one of those sleepy ATC officials.
  4. Jet News

    Jet News JF News Editor Staff Member

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    More humour...

  5. Jet News

    Jet News JF News Editor Staff Member

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    LOL, that's funny
  6. Jet News

    Jet News JF News Editor Staff Member

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    From Aha! Jokes

  7. NEO56

    NEO56 New Member

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    After an unusually hard landing, the Captain was standing in the door of the cockpit saying his good bye's, when an elderly woman approached him and said "Excuse me Captain, did we land or were we shot down?"
  8. NEO56

    NEO56 New Member

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    One of my favorites.....A group of guys from Delta, who love to bird hunt used to go to Arkansas every year to hunt together...They met their Guide who informed them that he had a new dog, and even though he was only a year old....was the best bird dog he's ever owned! They asked him how much was the dog? The Guide replied $150 dollars per day, and his name is Pilot...they thought that was a little steep, but paid it anyway...they limited out in 5 days! The following year, the group from Delta went back, and was told that the dog (Pilot) was ten times better than the season before, and was now $400 per day. The group limited out in just three days! The following year, the Delta flight crew were excited about going back...They found their Guide, and wanted Pilot! The Guide told them they could have him for $25 bucks for the entire week! "What??? What happened to him?" The Guide replied....a bunch of Pilots from Jet Blue came here last year, and somebody called him Captain....and now all he does is sit on his a*s and bark!:D
  9. NEO56

    NEO56 New Member

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    An American Pilot got his bid to start flying to Germany....Munich to be exact. Upon his first landing he missed the turn off to his parking spot...Ground Control quickly jumped on the air and said "American 557 Heavy....have you never been to Germany before?" The Pilot replied "Yes I have...it was in 1942, but I didn't stop...just flew over it.":D
  10. Jet News

    Jet News JF News Editor Staff Member

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    Listen to this!

  11. HTMO9

    HTMO9 Senior Member

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    A really legendary military radio conversation in the early seventies over southern Germany:

    "Mission 2712, this is Fuersty Tower. Are You Victor Mike Charly?"

    "Negative Fuersty tower, my name is Bretthauer Charly"

    This pilot, named Capt. Karl (Charly) Bretthauer was well known for his rather limited english language skills.
    Last edited: Dec 2, 2021
  12. HTMO9

    HTMO9 Senior Member

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    From post 9 above:

    "An American Pilot got his bid to start flying to Germany....Munich to be exact. Upon his first landing he missed the turn off to his parking spot...Ground Control quickly jumped on the air and said "American 557 Heavy....have you never been to Germany before?" The Pilot replied "Yes I have...it was in 1942, but I didn't stop...just flew over it."

    Nice joke but this one came pretty close to my family yesterday.

    My oldest son was in Munich for business yesterday. On his way from the airport to our branch office in downtown Munich, he normally takes the subway, as it is much faster than taking a car. When he left the sub at the Donnersberger Brücke, which is the first stop behind the Main train station at Munich (Munich Hauptbahnhof), a 500 lbs bomb from WW II hidden in the ground, exploded during construction work on the train tracks only about 1.000 ft away from him. A big auger had reached the bomb deep in the ground, when drilling a hole for foundation work on the railway tracks. Luckily nobody was killed, only 3 workers heavily injured and this son of mine pretty much shocked. The explosion was filmed by a security camera. I saw it on the news yesterdy evening.

    Every joke may have a serious background.
  13. Kevin

    Kevin JF Moderator

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    Here's a (rare) endorsement foe Apple products:
  14. HTMO9

    HTMO9 Senior Member

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    Back in the seventies on a hot summer day, me the young Capt. and my mighty Dornier Do-28 D2 on an IFR flight from northern Germany to Cologne International (EDDK) airport. As this twin piston engine tail dragger was so bloody slow, I got radar vectors around the airport, in order to get out of the way of the airline traffic inbound the airport. Got cleared for the ILS into the cross runway 24/06 and was ordered to make a short landing and hold prior crossing the main runway 32R/14L due to a LH heavy into this runway.

    After the heavy had past by, I got clearance to proceed to the end of runway 24, where the military ramp is located. The young pilot advanced power and rolled down the runway. When passing the intersection of the cross runway 24 and the runway 32R/14L, I opened my left cockpit window, because it was so hot in this non airconditioned airplane. Guess what happened, I dropped my beloved RayBan sunglasses laying on the armrest of this window directly onto this intersection.

    The following radio conversation could be heared:

    "Cologne Tower, German Air Force 5888 request"

    "GAF 5888 go ahead"

    "Cologne Tower, GAF 5888, I just dropped my sunglasses directly on the runway intersection of 24 and 32R. May I stop for a second, jump out of my plane and recover the sunglasses?"

    GAF 5888, Cologne Tower, You are cleared to stop for a second and recover Your precious sunglasses. Just give me a call, when I can reopen the airport. We have some more heavies on approach.

    Stopping the plane, pulling the parking brake, jumping out of the bird (with running engines of course), running to my sunglasses and back to my cockpit must have taken only a few seconds but it caused one turn in the holding for a Lufthansa 747.

    After landing, I called the Tower on the phone and talked to the controller, because I was a little afraid that I had to pay for the one turn in the holding of the Jumbo Jet. Got a good laugh from the controller and he said: "Do not worry Capt., approach did not tell him (the LH Captain) the reason for the turn in the holding.

    Honestly, I was ashamed to death.
    Jet News and Kevin like this.
  15. Jet News

    Jet News JF News Editor Staff Member

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    WOW...
  16. HTMO9

    HTMO9 Senior Member

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    True story about the radio communication between a F-104 G fighter bomber pilot (not me this time!) and the range controller on the air to ground firing range Capo Frasca on the west coast of Sardinia, Italy.

    These calls concern the bombing scores of this jet aircraft. The scores on a bombing target are measured in direction (o'clock position) and distance in feet from the bulls eye.

    "Frasca range, mission 351 comming in for level bombing on target Nr. 1, first pass hot"

    "mission 351, this is Fraca tower, You are cleared in hot, range is clear".

    "mission 351, off hot".

    "Mission 351, your score is 1.200 ft in one 0'clock".

    "Frasca, mission 351 in hot for second pass on the same target".

    "351, cleared hot".

    "351 off hot".

    "Mission 351, this time 1.500 ft in six o'clock".

    "351 in hot for third pass"

    "351 cleared hot"

    "351 off hot".

    "Mission 351 no splash observed. Your bomb must be very long, must be in the sea (gulf of Oristrano). And mission 351, be advised, You are not dropping Your bombs, You are loosing them! You cleared to leave the range and try again on a better day".

    The pilot of mission 351 left the range circuit without any further call. It can be assumed that he had to buy some beer for his comrades at the bar in the officers mess at Decimomannu Airbase.